• Kevin & co.

Interviewing... Myself!

I wanted myself, Kevin, to interview Kevin. I will often "interview" different parts to get answers out of them in our personal journal but I never interview myself. I barely get to be asked questions about myself by my parts or myself. I read this as a prompt as I was trying to find something new to challenge myself writing wise: interview yourself, and be honest. I thought I'd give it a try.

What do you want people to know about your gender identity and sexuality?

I am what I describe as genderless (agender is the real term) but I don't fit into the binary of female or male. I'm between and not even on the spectrum of gender. Gender is so funny to me personally because I have none. Sexuality wise, I identify as pansexual. Someone who is attracted to personalities first, not really caring about partner(s) gender(s). Not that they dont matter to that person/people. I'm attracted to any gender. Their gender being irrelevant to why I'm attracted to them. Personality first.

What do you want people to know about your experiences with DID?

I am co conscious most of the time. Co consciousness in the DID community means someone who can at some level "be there" with an alter or remember some information about what parts are doing when they front or front alongside a part or parts. Fronting means who is present with the body. I like the analogy of co consciousness and DID as if you were driving a car. If you are driving, you are in full control. From the passenger seat, you have the ability to help or know more information then if you were sitting in the back. where you might be able to put in your 2 cents, but you are still not in control. What if that car was a van? There's another row of seats, from the very back there you have absolutely no control of the car, they can barely hear you from back there.

Another thing: My memory is spotty, my timeline of events and relating events to other events during the same time seems impossible most of the time. I have a very hard time remembering when things happened probably because of my DID and I'm sure, other factors play a big part in this but I haven't figured it out yet.

What you do you want people to know about your experiences with BPD?

I'm trying my absolute best. I've taken DBT (dialectical behavioural therapy) for 7 months (last year I think). I've really worked on black and white thinking, emotional regulation, and much more. I think what I find the trickiest right now is my processing speed. I have a hard time processing conversations. I feel like I act out of emotion at first but it does not actually reflect how I feel in general at all. I need time to process and think and use skills before actually giving an honest answer to how I feel. Texting and sending messages is the easiest way to communicate for me. Since I've learned about this about myself, I now usually give myself time to think before I react when I text and do the best I can to set boundaries in person or on the phone so I'm reacting accordingly.

Recovery @ my own pace


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